Forever Fran

by Fran (49-C-1) FPE

As I sit here in the quiet of a warm summer after- noon looking over the beautiful green countryside, my life seems very peaceful. A gentle breeze is lifting the branches of the trees about as if to the rhythm of a lovely waltz. In the distance the deep blue water of a large lake flows toward the horizon to blend into a serene picture of nature's beauty. I can't help but gain a feeling of tranquillity within my heart, a feel- ing of peace of mind that I have not known until only the recent years of my life.

It seens so long ago, a great distance from the plateau of happiness I now enjoy, that my existence was anything but tranquil, for I have known a lifetime of unhappiness and despair in my thirty-one years. How completely different life can be when insight is gained in, the perplexing desires that haunt some men from the dawn of their memory to the dusk years of their existence. How tragic boyhood can be when locked in the heart of a child is the strange, compelling desire to enjoy the lovely things of the feminine world. How diff icult it is for a young boy to climb the ladder of manhood, live up to the expectations set forthe by un- knowing people and at the same time suppress the con- stant hunger to be like the little girls he sees and a- dores. How naive his little mind is when he thinks that one morning he will wake to find himself changed into the little girl he dreams himself to be.

11

I can well remember the prayer of my childhood: God bless Mommy and Daddy and please make me a little girl!" As far back into the past as I can remem- ber, my emotions were confused with desire to look like a girl and be able to dress as one. There was no appar- ent reason for this desire to wear pretty dresses because I was not forced to do so or was it even suggested. In truth, I didn't know there was a sexual difference be- tween boys and girls until I was quite a sizeable lad. Perhaps the curiousity of ignorance led me to the dress- er drawers of my mother and sister. Nonetheless, once expossed to the clinging feel of silk I became addicted to it. About the age of ten, my father left to work on

2.